ODE TO MY MOON CHILD,

(  "Everywhere I go, I've got people trying to kick it but I'm still alone in my mind..." *Halsey*.)

I got 'the looks' today.  Not that it's irregular, but getting used to it takes a while.

"Oh, that poor thing"

"Such a pity, huh"

"She was so young, why do these things always happen?"

"Why didn't she get rid of it?"

That's the line of thought I am pretty sure goes on in their minds. I'm okay with all of it actually, I just wish they'd stop looking away when my eyes met theirs. Today, a lady walked up to me and with tears welling up in those eyes, she said,

"I know this all seems sad, but it gets worse before it gets better." She looked at my bump. Said I was brave and she was proud of me, if it counted.

It didn't.

But I told her it did, just so she could feel better. Which doesn't go to say that you should be a liar, but being human comes with inevitably wanting to make those around you feel good about themselves. In a world full of cruelty, I'm going to need you to choose to be kind.

Because there's a lot of despair going around. This, you'll have realised by the time you're my age. (And I'm not even that old.) It's easy to be happy, but you'll find it way easier to not be it. Despair has a way of drawing you in with promises of lessons to be learnt, growth to be attained, truths to be uncovered.

Ill tell you how that story goes: not well. You get sucked, it consumes you, blinds you, but most of all, it completes you. And demands more, and more.

And more.

That's going to overflow to everyone and everything around you. We met a new girl in my support group today. She said her temper is reigned in so much that when it implodes, there's nothing worse than it. She said it with a smile. She also said she was always okay until she got drunk; a psychotic wreck spewing heavy words. Said that with a smile too. She seems nice.

anyway, be kind. Be love. I have heard pretty awful things about that word. Love. Unrequited. Unsatisfactory. Cruel. I've also heard pretty things about it too. Fulfilling. Healing. Nurturing.  He said it with a smile. (Not important who it was) he loved who he was. And we're going to do just that. Everyday, I'll tell you I love you, and that you're enough, and you're perfect. (hella cute too) kindness breeds from a heart filled with love. The only way you'll be kind to those around you is if you love yourself enough and want to share some of that. Let your strength radiate from within. That way, none of them will every strip you of it. Because they will try. Love everyone around you, but when the worst comes to the worst, put yourself first. You're my only first.

I hope one day, everyone is like you. And yes, I know hope is a really strong word. But it isn't hope until it's all you're holding on to, no?

And when the world becomes too much, (because it will) you'll always have a home in my heart. Huge, wide home where you can scream your fears to the walls and they'll never re-echo them. A pillow that comforts and forgets in the morning, so you won't be afraid of them knowing about your meltdown. Hands that will hold you until you mould yourself back together. Arms wide open. Everyone needs that, but I can't be that for them all. So I'll do it for you. For as long as you want to.

Until Dawn.